just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
