Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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