Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize