I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
