He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
