Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
