i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
