I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
