the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
