you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
