this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It all started with a game of naked twister.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
