Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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