even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
