I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
