Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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