You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
