after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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