i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
3pm strippers are depressing
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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