I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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