bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize