Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
