when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
