there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize