she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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