Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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