I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
