She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize