Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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