I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize