The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
me + whiskey = a bad person
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize