i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
