mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
