North Korea, Best Korea!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
