I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize