Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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