my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
