Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
