ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
