Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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