Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
