Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
