Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Help. Why am I so naked?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize