and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
