took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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