Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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