i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
