Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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