i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
