the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
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