Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
