I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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