I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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