Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
