just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
