Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
