We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
A bitchslap is in order.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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