a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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