he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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