bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
