Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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