the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
