i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
