remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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