I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
