she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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