I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How does one acquire holy water?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
