Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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