I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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