uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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