Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
