I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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