This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
