y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
