somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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