dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
