Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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