david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
