Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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