You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
