The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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