she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
