You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
