i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
