he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
