that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
