pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
