Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
