Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
