it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
