If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
