did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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