So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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