we're blogging at a bar
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
