Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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