She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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