She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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