I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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