How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
